Abandoned Blogs

Disclaimer: this is going to be a raw, first draft blog. Corrections are welcomed in the comment section. Perhaps there are people out there that actually read my blog.    ;)

Tomorrow will be the last day of 2013. I have thought about blogging for the last couple of days. Yesterday I was going over the labels for my blog to see if there have been any patterns over the last 9 plus years. (today is 10 days short of 10 years.) better part of 10 years. I am a terrible labeler...I have to be, there is enough content to have some patterns. Without even reading through my blog, I know that I have written a fair share about parenting, books and parenting education. The labels with the most content: life (12), love (11), friendship and forgiveness (each with 7). It is strange to not be good with the labels because I am a compulsive list maker. (You know the kind of person who will write something on the list just to check it off because it wasn't there when the list was originally penned. That is just one of my qualifiers. ;)  For at least 2 years I have considered abandoning this blog and the 10 year mark sounds like a good place to end this blog and start another one.

Picking up where I left off yesterday. NOW the count down begins to 2014. I thought of making this post about lists. Then I started to check out what other people on the internet had written about lists. (Yes, I know that the proper verb for that is now, "googled." I just didn't want to use it in a sentence and I ended up doing it anyway.) There are a number of blogs out there that have been abandoned (and that number is in the millions) and now, I am strongly leaning toward moving on from this one. So although I will say good day from here, I will say hello here on January 8th, 2014.

There is so much to choose from...Dan's first 4 months after turning 50, Scotland, London - reunion with my cousin Tess, NOT an empty nest-just more room to spread out, lists, abandoned blogs, What does it mean to be a part of the body of Christ?, ACA, etc. There is a lot that I could write about: the top 10 reasons 2013 was a good year I am grateful for a computer to muse upon, fingers to type, a brain to think and process, a heart to feel, strength in my body to move, work and play. Yes, I am stalling. And I want to end with a smile.....it is hard to say good-bye.

How about a confession?
For years I was one of those people who wrote a Christmas brag letter, sometimes it included a picture and sometimes it didn't sometimes I mailed it in time for Christmas and other times for St. Patrick's Day (yeah, that is a real holiday - we are Irish!) and I think I even did a summertime mailing but looking back on the early years, I probably felt that I had something to prove. When you send your kids to school, you are not asked questions about your children's education because to send your kids is the norm. Fortunately, I was aware of this fact, so the preparation for defense sometimes came out in the form of "the Christmas letter." I never thought that we would educate our own children. It was an alternative that was available and like most human beings I like to have choices. So Dan and I did our "homework"and made an informed decision.

I don't think that I ever wrote the "a day in the life of the Mullaneys" that said, "Our kids are all old enough to know where we live, we're at the library and they are asking me for our address for the third time because we just moved again for the third time this year." Or "Michael went for a walk to the beach and came home in a cruiser." Or  "Dan broke his other foot." Or "We've made 4 good offers on houses in the last 3 years and all the deals fell through." Nope people don't write about the truth except those people who laugh at themselves. So I think I stopped writing them when I got a hold of myself and started laughing at myself and my life. At times there has been pain, grief and heartache and we usually cover those things in love and share with those who are close to us and will pray with us. I have probably written about some of those things on my blog and probably posted a strip from the funnies too! Oh, well.....some people wanted the news about our family and some could probably care less. (Not that they didn't care they just cared less than those who really wanted the news.) Christmas is Good News for those who believe! So it makes sense that people write about the good that happens in their families. The truth is there is enough bad news coming to us 24/7 that we can always use a piece of good news.

It wasn't really hard to go cold turkey on the Christmas Brag Letter because the truth is in the midst of struggles, pain and growing up, we are still proud of our kids and it is a pleasure for me to know without letting the world know about it. I guess the brag letter may have taught them the meaning of the old proverb, "Let another praise you and not your own lips." And when parents have healthy boundaries with their kids then they recognize these people whom they have the pleasure and responsibility of raising are not possessions but dear loved ones then we are free to praise them for life well lived while they are still living! I believe our kids no matter how old they are want and need our loving support.
I have probably said it before but birthing adults is painful process. Letting go of certain ways we relate to our kids when we don't even realize it is difficult. May I say that I am grateful for my adult children being willing to bring it to my attention. It is another season of growing and believing that letting go is another way to love. (It was great to have Grace & Austin, Katie and Michael here for Christmas. Spending time with them was indeed the best present for me this year.)
Some of our friends still send out the Christmas Letter and I gratefully read each one, rejoicing over friends both near and far. Who knows maybe next year, I will reach out with a letter full of Good News but for now, I will do my best to keep it real in the coming year on my new blog, Disarmed by Love.
Happy New Year....let's make it a good one without any fear.

Sometimes the answer to the question is "suitcase"

Asking Why

"The moment the word 'why' crosses your lips, you are doing theology."
                                          From When Life & Beliefs Collide by Carolyn Curtis James

Below is a clip off of a friend's wall on Facebook. I have deleted everyone name but mine to protect the innocent (dismantled the links) . However, it is publicly out there in my activity in this social media.

Mother #1

Yesterday

J. asked me "why" today for the first time ever. I think the day that I've dreaded for years may have arrived.

• FB Friend Why?

• Yesterday at 17:58 · Like · 2

• Mother #2 S. LOVED when that happened with “oldest child.” His enthusiasm really encouraged me with that stage. And, yes, it is a stage.

• Yesterday at 20:07 · Like · 1

• Catherine Mullaney I certainly hope it is not a stage. This is inspiration for a blog post. All three of my children 20, 21, 23 still all ask the question why and plenty of other questions as well. We are the only created beings who have the ability to think and reason. (I better save the rest for the blog post)
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
• 13 hours ago · Like

There are things from my raising, training and loving my kids when they were very young that are very vivid. So, I am very aware of the question "why?"being a way to delay obedience and in our house, "delayed obedience was disobedience." Most of the time it was OK to ask but it takes great discernment and focused attention to help our children know when to ask questions and particularly the why question.

I would say that the first 7 years of a child's life that the number one thing to learn is how to joyfully obey mum and dad. And we encourage them to do it with alacrity.  Humble obedience is the key to the rest of learning. One of the saddest comments that other mothers in particular would say to me was "I could never homeschool because my kids would not listen to me." This is NOT the kids fault. Inside I would be screaming, "What?! Are you kidding me? It is your duty as a parent to train your kids to listen and obey." With most of these conversations, I did not have the type of relationship with the other woman to confront her and call her to the carpet.

It helped to say, "obey first and then we can talk about the reason or reasons behind our command." We did our best to not wield our authority over our kids with the "because I said so." There were times that it had to be said but we also wanted our kids to understand. For us to bring them up under our loving authority meant we were cultivating a loving relationship with each of them.

When our children were quite young we memorized Proverbs 2:1-11 together. And come to think of it we did not memorize verses that might read something like, "children obey your parents" because we were learning to live that and we did our best to remind our children that we too were under authority, needing to be obedient to the LORD.

2

My son, if you accept my words

   and store up my commands within you,

2

turning your ear to wisdom

   and applying your heart to understanding—

3

indeed, if you call out for insight

   and cry aloud for understanding,

4

and if you look for it as for silver

   and search for it as for hidden treasure,

5

then you will understand the fear of the Lord

   and find the knowledge of God.

Proverbs 2:1-5

The verbs in this proverb are fantastic. It will not be long before the little ones who are the children of the "why" mamas are asking questions like, "Why did Jesus have to die?" "Why do we believe that Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and my friend says it is about Santa and getting presents?" "Why do we thank God for the food?" "Why is it called Good News if Jesus had to die?" Of course, the other questions starting with How, When, Where, What, and Who will follow as well.  

I think that Christian parents desire and pray for their children to know the LORD. And if we were to silence them into unquestioning obedience, we would crush their spirits and there would be a millstone awaiting us.

Each and everyone is an embodied soul. The wonder and questioning of the little ones help us to remember that we are children too with a Father who welcomes our questions, our fears and our doubts.  It starts with us knowing and trusting in who our Heavenly Father is. Yes, this takes time and patience and discernment and wisdom.

My favorite story about questions is from the Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. When they got a little older and started asking questions that they were not ready hear the answers to we would speak one word, "suitcase" and our kids knew what that meant because we used the following story to help us along the way.

“And so seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, "Father, what is sexsin?"

He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case off the floor and set it on the floor.

Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said.

I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning.

It's too heavy," I said.

Yes," he said, "and it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger, you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.”

If we deny our children their questions and curiosities about life they will find someone else who is willing to listen, explain, and lovingly guide either to the Truth or to the ways of the world.  

NanoWrimo is here. Our family has been participating in NanoWrimo (National Novel Writing Month = November) since 2005 when we lived in Quechee, VT. For more info go here. So, we are 8 hours in and I have not written a word. Not to worry, I will begin later. At least I know what I am writing about this year.

The story begins in the mid 1990's families across the country have taken on the responsibility and challenge of educating their own at home. (a topic that I am intimately familiar with) The focus we be upon this family that shelters their children into late adolescence which cripples them in their early adulthood. My story can be summarized by a recent tweet of mine where I quoted my husband, "Some homeschooling parents interpret the verse to say, "You are to be as wise as serpents and as ignore as ostriches." This is a harsh reality in the homeschooling community. Parents hearts have been broken. Young lives shattered.

Shout outs to Dan, Grace, Katie and Michael! My wonderful family. God has blessed me so much. I am grateful for each and everyone of you! All NanoWrimo winners and beautiful loving people. I love you guys!

The seasons of parenting
It occurred to me the other day that I have not blogged about any changes we have been going through lately. These are numerous but I just want to focus on one: Children growing up. In February of this year our oldest daughter Grace traveled to the Netherlands to go to L'abri as a student. It was a delightful experience for her going over there with two of her very good friends. The director asked Grace if she would return for the summer session as a helper and she absolutely loved it.
This daughter of ours is vibrant, strong, thoughtful (and full of deep thoughts) and a delight to her parents. She is also no longer a child. Grace will always be my daughter but she is now a woman. In all honesty, re-entry has been a challenge for me. This is the transitional time of parenting that is crucial to maintaining a relationship and allowing it to develop in a way I am not really sure about. Even though she is not totally out on her own, she has been expanding her horizons.
It seems like labor has made its appearance again and this time I don't have to take it laying down but can walk, breath, laugh, cry and rejoice in my child who has become a woman.

"I fall, I fail and I cry out for mercy"

A week ago today we attended church with dear friends of our in central MA. There were two families who dedicated children to the Lord. One man who dedicated his second child to the Lord used the following scripture as a prayer request to the seated congregation. From Deuteronomy 6 verses 4 through 9.

"Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one!

"You shall love the LORD your God with

all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.

"These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.

"You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

"You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead.

"You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

I couldn't help but think to myself, is he listening to the words he is saying? does he mean it? Is he willing to do what it takes to "teach" his children "diligently"? If I hadn't been so tired, I would have like to have gone right up to him and his wife after the service and ask him if he meant it. So many things get in the way of us accomplishing this goal.

As I have referred to in previous posts, we are in the home stretch, the heart break hill of parenting. We know that our time with our children now 15,16 & 18 is quickly nearing the finish line. Not that we will no longer be their parents but our role as their parents is changing drastically at this time. Every day I am more convinced that the shortest season of life is childhood. Some say that educating children at home is a calling and this passage above may indicate that it is a little more like a command. If you give away the most precious hours of the day to another whether they be private or public educators, I have a hard time seeing how you can execute Deuteronomy 6. Perhaps the messages of the modern day American church coupled with the messages of the culture seem to be right since that is what most Americans Christians are doing. The Lord however has given us minds, to think, to reason and to question the church and the culture. To see if what these two influences have to say match up with what the Lord has to say. It is difficult to stop and to seek the LORD, search the Word and have HIM search our hearts.

As a Christian, the first authority in my life is Jesus Christ and His Word and believe me I fall, I fail and I cry out for mercy because I can't live up to HIS standards, but GOD is bigger than my faltering ways and HIS GRACE is sufficient to meet all our needs. I have seen the LORD work in my children and I know that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God's purpose. The reason we continue to educate our children at home is primarily out of obedience to God and I can say without regret that this small act of obedience has produce the greatest joy in parenting. This time with our children has allowed us to cultivate relationships with our children that we could have never imagined. Hopefully, we have helped prepared them for life to be affective agents for God's Kingdom.

So my prayer for this couple who are longtime married and very new parents to two little ones is that they would take this scripture to heart, that they would be a living sacrifice in their parenting, indeed that they would walk and talk and impart the ways of the Lord to their children. I sit here convicted by my own words. With the little time left, I pray that my husband and I would take the time to give of ourselves to our children while they still live with us.

PAX VOBISCUM,

CM

The Heartbreak Hill of Parenting

For those of you familiar with the Boston Marathon, you know about Heartbreak Hill in Newton, it is the last of four gruelling hills in a row and only 5 and 1/2 miles to the finish line. Raising three older teens is the Heartbreak Hill of Parenting. Even with kids who bring joy and don't cause us too much heartache (I don't care how well your kids are doing, you will go through something with your kids), it is the time of letting go and helping them to grow into adulthood, not perpetuate their adolescence. It is the time to press on, and press into the heart of Our Father who each of them will need to trust more and more. Grace said to me the other day, before this season of her life, "I could just trust you and dad and you had to trust God. Now, I have to trust God myself." Not an exact quote but that was the gist of what she was saying.

I am still very involved in my children's lives but this will decrease as it is meant to be. My role is always changing as my children (who really can no longer be called children) grow, mature and change. It is a wonderful thing as well as difficult. We want to continue to send our children out with blessings from Dan and me. Again, we are driven to our knees for wisdom. As the saying goes, it is hard to stumble while you are already on your knees. The road of childhood is very short and it has been completed by our oldest and the 2 younger are not far behind.

The beauty, grace and surprise of this journey is that I have been present for each stage of development and we have enjoyed laughter, tears, pain, joy and togetherness. I sat next to a mom with her infant (child #8) on the plane coming home from Florida with Grace last week. She was nursing her little one and I remember nursing Grace and humbled by the fact that God would give me the honor of being a mother. Linda Shepard, a mother I once knew gave me one of the greatest words of wisdom pertaining to motherhood when I was pregnant with Grace,

"Pregnancy is the ultimate in motherhood from birth on, it is a process of letting go."