Abandoned Blogs

Disclaimer: this is going to be a raw, first draft blog. Corrections are welcomed in the comment section. Perhaps there are people out there that actually read my blog.    ;)

Tomorrow will be the last day of 2013. I have thought about blogging for the last couple of days. Yesterday I was going over the labels for my blog to see if there have been any patterns over the last 9 plus years. (today is 10 days short of 10 years.) better part of 10 years. I am a terrible labeler...I have to be, there is enough content to have some patterns. Without even reading through my blog, I know that I have written a fair share about parenting, books and parenting education. The labels with the most content: life (12), love (11), friendship and forgiveness (each with 7). It is strange to not be good with the labels because I am a compulsive list maker. (You know the kind of person who will write something on the list just to check it off because it wasn't there when the list was originally penned. That is just one of my qualifiers. ;)  For at least 2 years I have considered abandoning this blog and the 10 year mark sounds like a good place to end this blog and start another one.

Picking up where I left off yesterday. NOW the count down begins to 2014. I thought of making this post about lists. Then I started to check out what other people on the internet had written about lists. (Yes, I know that the proper verb for that is now, "googled." I just didn't want to use it in a sentence and I ended up doing it anyway.) There are a number of blogs out there that have been abandoned (and that number is in the millions) and now, I am strongly leaning toward moving on from this one. So although I will say good day from here, I will say hello here on January 8th, 2014.

There is so much to choose from...Dan's first 4 months after turning 50, Scotland, London - reunion with my cousin Tess, NOT an empty nest-just more room to spread out, lists, abandoned blogs, What does it mean to be a part of the body of Christ?, ACA, etc. There is a lot that I could write about: the top 10 reasons 2013 was a good year I am grateful for a computer to muse upon, fingers to type, a brain to think and process, a heart to feel, strength in my body to move, work and play. Yes, I am stalling. And I want to end with a smile.....it is hard to say good-bye.

How about a confession?
For years I was one of those people who wrote a Christmas brag letter, sometimes it included a picture and sometimes it didn't sometimes I mailed it in time for Christmas and other times for St. Patrick's Day (yeah, that is a real holiday - we are Irish!) and I think I even did a summertime mailing but looking back on the early years, I probably felt that I had something to prove. When you send your kids to school, you are not asked questions about your children's education because to send your kids is the norm. Fortunately, I was aware of this fact, so the preparation for defense sometimes came out in the form of "the Christmas letter." I never thought that we would educate our own children. It was an alternative that was available and like most human beings I like to have choices. So Dan and I did our "homework"and made an informed decision.

I don't think that I ever wrote the "a day in the life of the Mullaneys" that said, "Our kids are all old enough to know where we live, we're at the library and they are asking me for our address for the third time because we just moved again for the third time this year." Or "Michael went for a walk to the beach and came home in a cruiser." Or  "Dan broke his other foot." Or "We've made 4 good offers on houses in the last 3 years and all the deals fell through." Nope people don't write about the truth except those people who laugh at themselves. So I think I stopped writing them when I got a hold of myself and started laughing at myself and my life. At times there has been pain, grief and heartache and we usually cover those things in love and share with those who are close to us and will pray with us. I have probably written about some of those things on my blog and probably posted a strip from the funnies too! Oh, well.....some people wanted the news about our family and some could probably care less. (Not that they didn't care they just cared less than those who really wanted the news.) Christmas is Good News for those who believe! So it makes sense that people write about the good that happens in their families. The truth is there is enough bad news coming to us 24/7 that we can always use a piece of good news.

It wasn't really hard to go cold turkey on the Christmas Brag Letter because the truth is in the midst of struggles, pain and growing up, we are still proud of our kids and it is a pleasure for me to know without letting the world know about it. I guess the brag letter may have taught them the meaning of the old proverb, "Let another praise you and not your own lips." And when parents have healthy boundaries with their kids then they recognize these people whom they have the pleasure and responsibility of raising are not possessions but dear loved ones then we are free to praise them for life well lived while they are still living! I believe our kids no matter how old they are want and need our loving support.
I have probably said it before but birthing adults is painful process. Letting go of certain ways we relate to our kids when we don't even realize it is difficult. May I say that I am grateful for my adult children being willing to bring it to my attention. It is another season of growing and believing that letting go is another way to love. (It was great to have Grace & Austin, Katie and Michael here for Christmas. Spending time with them was indeed the best present for me this year.)
Some of our friends still send out the Christmas Letter and I gratefully read each one, rejoicing over friends both near and far. Who knows maybe next year, I will reach out with a letter full of Good News but for now, I will do my best to keep it real in the coming year on my new blog, Disarmed by Love.
Happy New Year....let's make it a good one without any fear.

"Quietly finding my way in this new phase of life. (laugh? I know how to be quiet when I need to be.) Throughout life we are always becoming." my tweet March 3, 2012

The LORD Leads

About 14 months ago I was introduced to Tullian Tchividjian and I have been listening to his sermons and reading his blog ever since. Currently he is preaching through Galatians and he has entitled the series "Free at last." The year of 2011 had been a year of the Refiner's FIRE and like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, I am so grateful to have Jesus right there with me and we are still in the heat of the fire into the first part of 2012.

In part 4 of this current series Tullian starts off with a story of his experience and his desire to be justified and validated. The comforting thing is that whether we are aware of it or not, we all want it. When we go looking for it from people we are in trouble, we will be disappointed but if we are able to in the midst of this disappointment realize that we have been justified and validated by Jesus Christ, we are free! Jesus has already done for us what we could never do for ourselves or one another.

So what is someone like me to do? Embrace the grace of God that has been poured out upon be live in it and do my best to let it flow out of me and onto those who I have the privilege to encounter. Go to the back and not be concerned with myself.

The other thing that is required is to die. A friend of mine started blogging in 2011 and she is a hoot. On her blog she has a menu item called "How to die to self" and I have pasted in an excerpt from that particular post. It is right where I want to be and the LORD is easing me in. A slow and sometimes painful death but the kind that gives life.

~ Another step in the death of self is to seek in everything to be child-like, and extremely simple in our manners, words, dress, tastes, and interior experiences. Self naturally feeds on complexity and things grand and large and loud. Christ is the very embodiment of divine and eternal simplicity. The deeper we sink into the Christ-life, the more we become disappointing to the people. Our learning or talents will not show off to such fine advantage. We talk less. We live more quietly and interiorly. Our labors are less ostentatious. We do more hard fighting with fewer dress-parades. We bring things to pass through prayers and faith in God more than by outward showy methods. We love to live like God, a profound hidden life, in which people think we don’t amount to very much. This is one of the tests of sinking out of self. To read the full article How to Die to Self

There is no shame in adversity

"We cannot learn without pain."
— Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384-322 B.C.)

"Trials, temptations, disappointments -- all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." James Buckham

Getting off the phone with my brother, I realize that there are things that will still share and one of them is growing up with the shame of adversity. Instead of it being a touchstone of growth, adversity is something that we ought to be ashamed of and if we choose to speak about it at all, it is in a low whisper. My brother spoke to me in this low whisper and then quickly went on to other things, no time for me to respond and it hit me as I got off the phone - shame. Mistakes and things not going our way are as bad as purposefully doing something wrong. This attitude blocks an opportunity for a change and personal growth.
Coming to an understanding of adversity becoming an asset has been and continues to be one of the most difficult lessons to learn for me personally. It is a clear illustration of my perfectionist tendencies. It is an opportunity to learn and to bring about greater character in ourselves and our children.
It does not have to be anything big. Like a lot of things we instill principles into our children by the way we deal with the smaller incidences in life. It is those everyday things that prepare us for the bigger difficulties we will face.
The shame of adversity is a terrible lie. Wise men and women of the past demonstrate to us, that they indeed would go through everything they have gone through to get to the place where they are now. Many have gone on to glory where there is no more pain or sorrow and they live in the Presence of God the Father glorious. That thought helps me keep an eternal perspective.
One of the fruit of going through adversity is humility. I do not believe humility is something we can forge in ourselves but one that the Lord uses our circumstances and relationships to shape us and mold us more into the image of His Son.
I am grateful for this ongoing lesson. And a shout out to my brother Pete, hoping he will be open to learning from it too.
Pax, CM

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. [Isaiah 48:10]