"So they left that goodly and pleasant city which had been their resting place near twelve years; but they knew they were Pilgrims, and looked not much on those things, but lift up their eyes to the heavens, their dearest country, and quieted their spirits."

Bradford

Of Plymouth Plantation

Welcome to my alleged Mind
It has been just over 3 weeks since I started to work on my 9131 blog post. Not sure if I will finish before I leave for vacation. Anyway, it has to do with sobriety. As some of you may know, I like to read other people's blogs as well. Josh Harris is one that I recently started to follow.....that is what blog readers do....follow.
Anyway, I have a hundred things running through my head right now.
Here is a sample:
My girls being together tonight.
9131 post still incomplete.
Christmas in July failings
My first of many trips to the PO to send a package or two to Lookout Mtn, GA.
Bike riding
Nantasket Beach
Waking at Dark 30 as my friend Laurie likes to call it
The probability of 3 kids in college at the same time
Having too many books going
sleep
My uncanny ability to bless and curse with the same mouth
August Birthdays
Summer
Sunshine kisses at dawn
Old friends New friends
Time for bed (not really but maybe)
Truth
Eternity
Life and Death
We are all so fragile. Life can change in an instant.
Hoping for a warm September

A Daily Devotional that I subscribe to....from Truth for Life

August 3

Extravagant Goodness

Luke 8:42

Jesus is passing through the crowd heading for the house of Jairus, so that he might raise the ruler's dead daughter. He is so extravagant in His goodness that He works another miracle on His way there. It is enough for most of us, if we have one purpose, to go immediately and accomplish it, without impulsively expending our energies on the way. Rushing to the rescue of a drowning friend, we cannot afford to use up our strength upon someone else in similar danger. It is enough for a tree to yield one sort of fruit and for a man to fulfill his own peculiar calling.

But the Lord Jesus is not limited in His power or restricted in His mission. He is so prolific in grace that, like the sun that shines as it rolls onward in its orbit, His path is radiant with loving-kindness. He is a swift arrow of love that not only reaches its ordained target but perfumes the air through which it flies. Virtue is always going out of Jesus, just as sweet fragrance exudes from flowers; and it will always be emanating from Him, like water from a sparkling fountain.

What delightful encouragement this truth affords us! If our Lord is so ready to heal the sick and bless the needy, then, my soul, do not be slow to put yourself in His path so that He may smile on you. Do not be lazy in asking, since He is so generous in giving. Pay careful attention to His Word now and at all times, so that Jesus may speak through it to your heart. Pitch your tent wherever He is so that you can obtain His blessing. When He is present to heal, may He not heal you? Be certain that He is present even now, for He always comes to hearts that need Him. And do you not need Him? He knows the extent of your need; so turn your gaze, look upon your distress, and call upon Him while He is near.

Family Bible reading plan

• Jeremiah 30 , 31
• Mark 16

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Devotional material is taken from “Morning and Evening,” written by C.H. Spurgeon, revised and updated by Alistair Begg. Copyright (c) 2003, Good News Publishers and used by Truth For Life with written permission. Today’s Bible Reading material is taken from McCheyne Bible reading plan and used by Truth For Life with permission. Scripture quotations are taken from Holy Bible: English Standard Version, copyright (c) 2001, Good News Publishers.

9131 is still a work in progress

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The Post

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Appreciation, Thanks, Indebtedness, Gratitude

On some level our culture no longer values the Thank you card or expressions of appreciation as it once did because we are an entitled people. However, in the realm of being a human being and having a positive outlook on life and in being an influence on others, I think that there is a thing or two to be said about being grateful.

A life without gratitude is one that we simply must bear and it is hard to find enjoyment in life if a person is just "grinning and bearing it." My lessons in learning how to be grateful started a little later in life (I think it should be taught from the time a child is very young i.e. "please and thank you" which ought to be taught as more than words to say, it is an attitude to be cultivated. ). I was 19 years old. It was hard. This lesson was going to help save my life. At 18 I was hell bent and when I actually faced my 19th birthday, I was surprised that I was still walking around on this earth and I was anything but grateful. Here I write many years later and grateful that I am still teachable and still learning how to be grateful.

Gratitude is indeed an attitude and one that does need cultivation. An open mind and a humble heart, I believe are essential to the garden of appreciation. And like any other garden, it needs to be tended to: water, sunshine, and weed. God is the Gardener and He delights in including helpers like me and you to help tend the gardens of our hearts. Once we agree that this Garden is worth our time and attention, we open ourselves up to a place of strength especially when life is changing. The changes are right, appropriate and good and can be painful at the same time. Gratitude can and will help carry us through the changes.

It is not enough for me to just say, "I am grateful for x,y and z" my gratitude needs to be directed toward someone else. For me, as a child of the Living God, I need to be grateful to God to give him thanks for every good gift and to be thankful in all circumstances. To be thankful in all circumstances: the way I understand this line of thinking has to do of what I believe about God, his role not just in my life but in all of life. If I believe that God is indeed in control of this world that He has created and I believe that in His character He is perfectly just, perfectly merciful and perfectly loving, then with my heart I can be thankful in any circumstance.

Time to drink in what I have just written.

Dear Readers,

The last time that I posted this a couple of you let me know that there was apparently no links to my new blog, which is not replacing this one. I discovered that they were there just hidden. I have embolden the links: one to Nanowrimo, and two to my new blog. Just put your cursor over the words that are in bold and you will get there.

I am about to embark on something that I have been doing for some time but don't do it as often as I would like: Writing. As some of you may recall, we (the Mullaney Pilgrims) have participated in Nanowrimo since 2005. I have created another blog with a taste of my stories. So, for all of you that stop by here regularly, I want to ask you a favor and visit my new blog and give me your feedback. I am posting chapter 1 from my first Nanowrimo novel. It is unedited.

Thank you,

Catherine Mullaney

Cooking up some food for thought at Mac's Grille

Just something I saw on a friends blog. Something to think about......if you are interested in what the future may hold for our country it is important to look back in history for some clues.

In Our Midst

"How many times have you done that?"

"Done what?" the middle-aged woman answered with a question.

"Prayed with someone right there on the spot."

The older woman stopped the younger and looking deep into the younger woman's eyes, she decides that this young one is genuinely asking. The two walked to the car and got in.

"I have no idea how many times. It really isn't something I keep track of."

"Most people just say something like, 'Sure I will be praying for you.' And leave it at that. Most people don't do what you just did." replied the younger.

"You see that is the problem, or should I say that was my problem. I use to say that and leave it at that. If I remembered to pray for the person half the time that I did, I'd be surprised. There came a point where I was convinced in my heart and my mind that for me, I needed to pray with, not just for the other person, as long as they were comfortable with it."

There was silence and in the silence the older woman rested with the assurance that God was listening in on the conversation - this too was a type of prayer.

"Do you believe that God is in the midst of His people?" the older inquired.

"Yes."

"Then why are you surprised that I prayed with someone who said after sharing her burden, please pray for me?"

"Most people are just glad to have a listening ear and don't expect the person to pray right then and there."

Even in a lifetime, I will only know my Lord and my God just a little bit until I see my Savior face to face.

Come LORD Jesus Come!

©Catherine Mullaney

Looking back over the course

Lately, my reflections and evaluations of bringing up children at home have been a lopsided ledger. I have been able to see my liabilities and can't seem to find my assets under all of them. A couple of interactions with my young adult children have helped me to find some and my husband will say, "look at them. The three of them are wonderful people and you had a LOT to do with that." My response to that is "only by the grace of God." I really don't want to take any credit.

Then I read the following on another Christian Mom's blog:

If I neglect the challenge to teach and train my children to transition from a busy school year to a relaxed summer schedule I will resent them. The un-interrupted quiet time I have when the kids are at school give me mornings at the throne of grace. Those peaceful hours help me focus on the things that matter. (to read the post in its entirety)

First, I will share my response to this part of the post

Amy,
I just recently started following your blog. It was never my intent to post a comment, thinking that I would just be lurking, reading and digesting. My children are probably quite a bit older than yours. Something struck me and well I may blog about it because it was as if the LORD was speaking to me through you. What touched me was this:
"If I neglect the challenge to teach and train my children to transition from a busy school year to a relaxed summer schedule I will resent them. The un-interrupted quiet time I have when the kids are at school give me mornings at the throne of grace. Those peaceful hours help me focus on the things that matter."

When my kids were small (3 under 7), I would do my best to rise before they did to have that "un-interrupted quiet time" and quite often I would end up with one of them cuddling with me. Each of them knew that this was mum's time with the LORD, they were welcomed to be with me but they needed to be quiet. The first time I sent any of my kids off to school was last year when my oldest went off to college. (now they are 3 who are all over 17)
Thank you for inspiring me and reminding me of God's faithfulness.
Time for me to blog the rest of my thoughts.
Thanks,
Catherine

What strikes me now is the phrase, "focus on the things that matter most" and for me the raising (which included teaching and training) children at home was the primary focus. When children are small especially under the age of 7, which lots of people consider the formative years, and one chooses to gives away the best part of their children's day to be shaped and molded by someone else, the testimony of honest people is a lot of unlearning has to be done at home. This takes tremendous effort and a fair amount of tenacity. I can only imagine that it is like fighting against a great tide. The worldview of the teachers, the authority factor, and the time children spend under the roof and influence of a school seems to me like a strong opponent to set against a pair of loving parents.

Long ago, I came to believe that it takes a greater amount of faith to send your kids to school, often placing them under the authority of someone you don't know, then to keep them at home. I still believe it.

As I continue to think about what my fellow blogger is saying, I can’t help but think that she is the one who is in need of learning to be flexible in the transition from delegating the responsibility of her children to others to taking back the full responsibility in order to avoid resenting them. Depending on the kid, it is usually one of two reactions to the end of school: the old Alice Cooper, “School’s out for summer! No more teachers, no more books…..” or “I am bored and I wish I was back in school.” I suppose there are those kids who are middle of the road and simply tolerate the fact that they have to go to school. However, I think most parents have harder time transitioning from a school schedule to a summer schedule.

Parents need to be parents. It is up to us to establish authority in the home. In a culture that is so focused on our right to be individuals, it is hard to operate as a family and value family life even when one chooses to raise children at home and maintain that authority and responsibility. Children who are in a classroom setting whether public or private may be encouraged to respect the teacher and one another but it is hard to create an atmosphere that calls for unity. Let’s try to imagine.

“Good morning, my name is Mrs. Mullaney and I will be your teacher this year from September 2010 to June 2011. As 5^th graders, I expect that you will respect me as your authority and respect one another as fellow classmates. This year as my students, I will expect one more thing and it will require each of you to cooperate. We will conduct ourselves as a united class. It will be like being on a ship setting out on a voyage at sea. I will be the Captain and you will be my crew. In order to have a successful outing we will have to work together. Every crew member must pull his own weight and at the same time look out for one another, helping each other, encouraging each other and at times you may need to rescue a classmate or even your Captain.”

A student raises her hand and says, “Mrs. Mullaney that sounds like Kindergarten stuff.”

“Agreed and students who are educated do not leave the basics behind. An education is built upon a foundation. This is a foundational principle of the Farview Ave School. If you want to do well in this class and in life then you will agree to follow it.”

Objecting the student replies: “We are not just fellow classmates, we are competitors. I see how it is good to be united. My family is united by the fact we believe that each of my siblings and I ought to be at the top of the class. We are achieving just that and will continue to do so.”

Let’s say at this point, I have done some preparations knowing full well there will be objectors and that this student indeed has been at the top of her class since kindergarten, doesn’t have a lot of friends, and does not have a problem with treading on others to get to the top.

“Unlike the other teachers in this school, your attitude toward me and your classmates will factor in to all your grades in every subject.”

The objecting student wants to object again, it is written all over her face as the other students and I can plainly see. With all eyes on her she sets her jaw and straighten up in her seat.

“I believe that you can still be competitive but in our class, it will be required that you compete with integrity. Those of you who are already what other teachers might call ‘good students’ will help those who are struggling students to become better students and in so doing you will become not only better students yourselves but you will become better people because of your willingness to help others.”

If this were a real classroom and I had maybe 15 students, I may be winsome enough to achieve this unity, but the odds are against me. Probably the administration would be against me as well. (unless of course I produced great results ;-)

Amy went on to talk about every summer day to be a precious diamond day with her children. I contend that childhood is SO short that to have shared summer, fall, winter and spring days with my kids for more than 20 years has been precious and almost seems like too few. To say that I am grateful to have had my children at home with me would be an understatement. Instructing them and learning along side them (I became a Christian at 21), growing up with them in the faith and sharing everyday life with them has been a gift, an incredible gift from my Heavenly Father.

Our decision to educate our children at home did not entail any romantic notion of enjoying family life. It was a decision made after looking at all the options available: private, public and home schooling. Prayerfully researching and seeing that the best chance for discipling our children in the LORD was to not just have them at home but walk through life and be in this world along side them.

(to be continued)

Reading Blogs

I have been reading and started following more blogs, every time I have sat down to write a blog post. So here are some interesting places that I have gone to on the internets, the web, and all the other goofy ways that people say when they go surfing on a computer......online.......linking up.....

Thought provoking

Inspiring

Heartwarming

Interesting

Again and Again, I find myself here so someone in this family can go here or there and everywhere.

And if you want to remember not to take yourself too seriously then I suggest you visit the following blog by one of my favorite authors.

Signing off.........Pax Vobiscum, CM

Spilt

My grammar is not perfect.

I am spell-chek dependant (check dependent).

Sometime I change persons in the middle of a paragraph.

Life is messy.

Words are powerful.

Expression is necessary.

Setting the scene in such a way that you are carried off to another place and time is an art form.

To create an atmosphere that would bring you to tears or cause you to draw the shades and make sure all the doors in the house were locked.

Enlightens

Inspires

Enrages

Stimulates

Crushes

Resurrects

Delights

Delivers

Transforms

Criticizes

Concentrates

Informs

And yet I can't help myself. I must write.

Wake Up O Sleepy Head

"I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety."

Psalm 4;8

This week I had the opportunity to meet up with a couple of friends and visit with a couple more in Upstate NY. Different people, coming from different places and a similar message. One coming from a book of prayers and one coming from a small but vibrant pulpit: It is the LORD GOD who carried me through the night and it HE who has woken me from my slumber. It was said it very different ways. The morning prayer from the book was something like this

Arising from sleep, I thank You, O Most Holy Trinity, that, for the sake of Your great kindness and longsuffering, You have not had indignation against me, for I am slothful and sinful. Neither have You destroyed me in my transgressions, but You have shown Your customary love toward mankind, and have raised me up as I lay in heedlessness, that I might sing my morning hymn and glorify Your sovereignty. Now enlighten the eyes of my understanding, open my ears to receive Your words, and teach me Your commandments. Help me to do Your will, to sing to You, to confess You from my heart, and to praise Your All-Holy Name: of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, now and ever, and unto ages of ages. Amen.

And what came from the pulpit was something like:

Did I get myself up to come to church this mornin'? No. It was the LORD who woke me from my sleep. Who watched over while I was sleepin'? Was it me? I don't think so, how could I be sleepin' and watchin' at the same time? It was the LORD watchin' over me and I want to thank Him for bringin' me safely through the night! Can I get an AMEN? Did you wake yourself this mornin'? NO, It was the LORD who brought you through the night watchin' over you and then woke you this mornin' Amen? AMEN.

So on my solo ride home, I was meditating on these things: how the GOD of the Universe is interested in the everyday details of our lives and how often I don't even give it a glancing thought. When Grace was a newborn, sometime I would just watch her sleeping. Sometimes just to admire this new little person who came from me and other times because I was a new mother and wanted to make sure she was all right and at moments the watching of this sleeping baby was a sheer joy and delight, what a precious gift from God. (Yes, I do know how to receive a child, who is a tremendous responsibility and still enjoy her, even to this day.) Parenting is a watchfulness.

The gift of making it through the night is not something that I consciously think about and it is a simple thing for me to be grateful for especially after a restful night's sleep. There have been times in my life that I have been very grateful, daily expressing my thanks to God and I need to get back to being grateful even for simple things like a good night of shut eye.

created on Wordle.net

Yesterday I saw ceramic sign in Target that said "Be Wise Be Kind Be True" and it reminded me of another sign we had in our kitchen when we lived on Mechanic Street in Marlborough, MA. It read: "Before you open your mouth ask yourself: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?" then I texted a friend to tell her and I followed up with, "I think I need that sign." So, here I am reminding myself and anyone who may be reading that stopping and thinking before you speak is a good thing and it is worth trying to master throughout our lifetime.

I am aware that there are people out there who "engage brain before opening mouth" naturally and the Author of Proverbs says, "even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Then there are those of us that are a bit harder to train. Until well into my twenties, I regularly stuck not only my foot but practically my whole leg in my mouth. At the age of 27, I was hit over the head with a 2x4 and since then I have reduced my diet to toes, an occasional foot or two and a time or two of great indiscretion a calf muscle.

In the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions it states, "Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen." I would have to agree because once the words are out of your mouth: you can't really take them back no matter how sorry you are. There is the verbal diarrhea. It can be forgiven but it is much harder for it to be forgotten. Fortunately for me, for the most part, I have been granted much mercy from most people that I have a relationship with as we practice forgiveness, mercy and grace with one another.

"Pause when you are thinking too quickly or feeling too passionately" is another good principle. If we take a moment to breathe, ask for wisdom, ask the three questions I have listed above, then I believe we can grow and become wiser. There are times I find myself hurting people unnecessarily with my reckless words. I never want to do it, but I do still falter.

Indirectly, this is one way to be seeking wisdom and most thoughtful people desire to get wisdom in order to live well. Perhaps if I keep on seeking to become wise it will help to keep me young at heart and in my mind and help me from putting my foot in my mouth. Wisdom tells me to respect the fact that words are powerful.

Another good question to ask might be: Are these words life-giving or death-blows?

Connecting

I went looking for you in my inbox and you were not there,

So I moved onto my Facebook account you face was not seen even though I went to your profile

Opening ichat and your avatar could not be found.

Finally, I picked up the phone and there you were just in from town,

and by the sound of your voice I could tell you were happy I called.

Let's meet in the park and swing on the swings like little kids who are carefree.

Not necessarily a return to childhood but a visit to simplicity.

The Pilgrim Way

For a number of years, I have been getting Alistair Begg's daily devotional through Truth for Life. I am sharing today's below. (tried to post this yesterday for some reason it would not so here it is today.)

Wear the Badge of Perseverance

Continue in the faith.

Acts 14:22

Perseverance is the badge of true saints. The Christian life is not only a beginning in the ways of God, but also means continuing in those ways as long as life lasts. It is with a Christian as it was with the great Napoleon: He said, "Conquest has made me what I am, and conquest must maintain me." So under God, dear believer in the Lord, conquest has made you what you are, and conquest must sustain you. Your motto must be, "Aim higher." The only true conqueror who shall be crowned in the end is he who continues until war's trumpet is blown no more.

Perseverance is, therefore, the target of all our spiritual enemies.

· The world does not object to your being a Christian for a time, if she can tempt you to quit your pilgrimage and settle down to trade with her in Vanity Fair.

· The flesh will seek to ensnare you and to prevent your pressing on to glory. "Being a pilgrim is weary work and makes me wonder: Am I always to be mortified? Am I never to be indulged? Can I not have at least a holiday from this constant warfare?"

· Satan will make many a fierce attack on your perseverance; it will be the target for all his arrows. He will strive to hinder you in service: He will insinuate that you are doing no good and that you need to rest. He will endeavor to make you weary of suffering; he will whisper, "Curse God, and die." Or he will attack your steadfastness: "What is the good of being so zealous? Be quiet like the rest; sleep as others do, and let your lamp go out like the foolish virgins." Or he will assail yourdoctrinal sentiments: "Why do you hold to these doctrinal creeds? Sensible men are getting more liberal; they are removing the old landmarks: Fall in with the times."

So, Christian, wear your shield close to your armor and cry earnestly to God, that by His Spirit you may endure to the end.

Page 27 of yesterday's Boston Herald

I found myself again reading the obits. It is the second most important part of the paper and to some the most important. Sometimes I read everyone but the following one caught my eye, so I thought that I would share it here.

John Shepherd-Barron, 84; Scot invented cash machine

A customer put a computer punch card in an ATM in London in 1968. The first automatic teller machine was installed in 1967. (Associated Press)

Associated Press / May 21, 2010

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LONDON — John Shepherd-Barron, the Scotsman credited with inventing the automatic cash machine, died peacefully in northern Scotland’s Raigmore Hospital on Saturday, funeral director Alasdair Rhind said Wednesday.

to read the obit. in its entirety please go to the following link. John Shepherd-Barron, 84; Scot invented cash machine - The Boston Globe

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This week one of my dearest friends lost her brother, Jon who was the same age as I am. It was sudden. He leaves behind 6 children, 3 grown and 3 young ones, a wife, grandchildren, both his parents, his two sisters and one brother and many other relations. I didn't know him personally but his sister Elizabeth loved him dearly and I have prayed for Jon throughout the years that I have been friends with his dear sister. And as I said in my last post about life and death, "Every life matters." Jon's life mattered. So as the Bodholdt family say their good-byes to their dear son. We say our prayers for those who are left to carry on in life. Jon will be carried on in the hearts of those who loved him.

The Path of Celtic Prayer

by Calvin Miller

Given to me by my daughter Grace

"Human beings are innate believers. While agnostics are sometimes celebrated for their unsure notions about God, atheism isn't likely to take hold in any permanent way. Why? Because we are so needy, helpless and insecure that we remain obsessed with something or Someone greater than ourselves. Not only are we needy, we hurry our lives deathward in a dead heat with that great universal clock that is destined to outrun us. We live face to face with our temporariness. And while we are trapped in the busy, empty now, we are convinced there must be - or must have been- a day when God seemed nearer and more accessible.

Our discontentment with our present affairs keeps us looking backward, hungering for times in our lives when we experienced God as clearly present. Even our casual reading tastes have found us out. The recent rash of novels about Christ's second coming may be popular because they hold forth a kind of promise that when Jesus comes again, all the pain of our empty age will be swallowed up in the warm presence of God. But at the foundation of such hope lies a reality much greater than current popular fiction. We-at least in our searching moments-want Jesus to come again. Why? We are eager for union with Christ. The second coming promises an end to our roller-coast relationship with God."

It is opening thoughts like these that make me read the introduction from books. The two paragraphs are the beginning of the introduction to Miller's book.

Miller goes on to talk about our longing for God and how we are like junkies looking for a God fix. So, this "living face to face with our temporariness" makes me think that yes, I want something more. I believe in eternity and in eternal things. It rings true for me that life is short, so it is best to work things out with those we love. We long for God to do what can't be worked out to intervene for us and sometimes we cry out like David and ask that He would just obliterate our enemies.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<^^^^^^^^^^^^^>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

One of the elements of this book is a reminder that we (Christians) serve a triune God. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit: One God in Three persons. It is not something to easily get our heads around. There are many things about God that I don't think I will ever understand. God is Mysterious....one of the main goals in my walk through this life is to gain knowledge of the Holy One and it is a good chance that I am half way through my life, my knowledge is minimal.

In the virtual world I list my religious views as "seeing through a mirror dimly." It is all vague while dealing with the flesh. So much gets in the way including my own bent in addressing God in one way instead of another.

One of the things instilled in me growing up in the Catholic Church was that I serve the God three in one (and I am not talking about Jesus, Mary and Joseph) but most things are done in the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

The author suggested that we don't forget any of the persons that make up Our God. One way to remember is to address all three in prayer. I tend to address God as "Heavenly Father" most often. Other times, I call Him Lord or Lord Jesus. I can't say that I address God as the Holy Spirit too often.

There are a number of prayers woven throughout the book. One I have committed to memory and have started using it to begin my day.

"I awake in the name of the Father who made me,

I arise in the name of the Son who died to save me,

I rise up to greet the dawn in the name of the Spirit who gives me abundant life."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The book is organized around 6 different types of prayer. The other five are Scripture Prayer, Long, Wandering prayer, Nature Prayer, Lorica Prayer and Confessional Prayer. Miller is inspiring, deep, informative and helps me to pause. He has introduced me to new thoughts about prayer. For those who want to strengthen their prayer life, I would high recommend, The Path of Celtic Prayer An Ancient Way to Everyday Joy by Calvin Miller.

The following post was written over a month ago. It is a case of me speaking the truth to myself and I hope it is helpful to someone out there who is reading.

Who are you?

Who am I?

To whom do you belong?

Light has broken through the darkness. The darkness of sin and death has been conquered by first One born from the dead, The Risen One! The One who gave me life and then renewed it by the power of the Holy Spirit is what brings me to the above questions which were raised by two younger bloggers that I follow. My initial thought is we are all becoming, constantly changing and growing.

To know and be known. This is what we are attempting to look at through our questions and observations. One of the things that shapes and molds us is how we relate to others and how others relate to others. First we relate to people and then we relate to God.

Some people worship their parents and never transfer that worship to God. As a parent, my shortcoming have kept me humble and my willingness to relate to my kids as a fellow human beings have hopefully made such a transfer easy and early enough. These dear ones who are now all young adults have felt the sting of my wrongful acts and I have been showered with grace, mercy and forgiveness from each of them. I am often stubborn, prideful and arrogant when I am wrong, looking to be justified and it isolates me from those that I love. So, if I want to be relatable, it is going to require humility and a willingness to admit that I am wrong and ask for forgiveness. You would think after so many years of practice that it would come easily, not always. Forgiveness is what restores a relationship and there is nothing quite like a clean slate in order to continue to build a good relationship.

When you forgive me and I forgive you, we bid one another to come up higher because we will fall again, we will need to be restored again. I am doing my best to learn from my mistakes. Some sins are however harder to overcome than others. Without the Love of Christ and His grace, I am a reckless troublemaker.

All mothers are working mothers

I had fully intended to write this on Sunday, which was mother’s day, but I worked all day, then went to dinner and to my brother’s and finally to bed. Now, I must say that I was raised in a family where the special days were to be marked, remembered and to be made special. My husband and his family worked regardless of what day it was and he always has since we were married. So, we have done our best to make sure that each other and our children know that they are special every day. This creates some inner turmoil for me but without any guilt. So, you could say that I am very inconsistent about the special days, it is hit or miss with me. However, I do my best to be consistent with the special people and even there I falter at times.

So because mothers at home are often considered as ones who don’t “work” I thought it would be good to start off with a definition.

Merriam-Webster’s first definition of work:

1 : activity in which one exerts strength or faculties to do or perform something

I would add that your heart and spirit is engaged in the work one does. Building people requires one’s whole being. Parenting, not just mothering, is the work of building people. The ones born or adopted by us are not a blank slate. The young are not just DNA to be rearranged and manipulated by adults. Everyone comes with personalities, gifts, weaknesses and strengths. As parents we are the ones who have an opportunity to love, influence, train, equip, contribute to the growth and maturing of children until they are ready to be launched.

By God’s grace, I have had the privilege of not only being a mother but being home with my children to raise them. For the past month and a half I have been working full-time with a round trip commuting time of approximately 2 hours. That is a lot of time away from home. Granted my children are now 20, 18, and 17, my best hours have been dedicated to my work.

I believe that women and men are wired differently. The way mothers and fathers relate to their children is different. I can imagine that there is a great tension internally for a mother of young children who works full time outside of the home. I wonder, do these women have to, in some way, distance themselves emotionally from their children? If you are going to give your all on the job, wouldn't you have to? I don’t think it is humanly possible to be fiercely dedicated in the practical to both the job and the family. How does one do both well? In your mind, one can convince oneself just about anything. The way one lives out the best hours of the day determines where the heart lies unless of course, your heart is in one place and the living out is being done somewhere else. Can such work be successful to the one doing it? [If there are mothers who are in this category reading this blog, I hope that they will leave a comment and answer some of these questions honestly.]

The reason I am speculating is because the job I have been doing is running my brother-in-law’s business with my husband and it is all consuming. It is not something you can just go and put your hours in and then go home to your family and leave work at work. It is on my mind constantly. I really care about the business because I love and care about my brother-in-law, Billy. Billy has entrusted his livelihood to us.

Switching gears to home has been difficult for me. I just know that I would not have wanted to do this even 3 years ago with 3 teenagers. Perhaps that is because I solely invested in my children since they were born. It is not just a case of me being at home, these dear ones have been at home with me being educated there. One of the greatest joys of my life as a mother at home has been equipping them with the tools for learning. Of course, if I had to work outside the home, I believe that I would have been given the grace to do it, however, the internal tension would still be there for me. The heart connection that developed between my children and me by being at home is a surprising gift.

The women who have divided their loyalties between the job and the home. My hat is off to you. You love your husbands and your children. It is certain that most of you give your best to your family and at your place of employment. To give your all to both however is just mathematically impossible. There is no such thing as superwoman or super mom. Super tired and worn out is probably more like it. To do it and keep your sanity, that is a miracle. Yes, I believe in the supernatural but not superheroes.

Single moms who solely carry the burden of home and the job, my heart goes out to you. Whether it is by choice or circumstance, that has got to be a tough road.

It is my hope that children continue to have mothers and fathers who are attentive to their upbringing, to be the primary influences in the formative years and to limit the delegation of their care while their offspring are very young.

It's one hour before bedtime (nearly 7 PM). My night owl friends groan and hope to be eating dinner by 8. Most people consider early about 5 AM. Let's just say that I am getting up a few hours before most people in my life. My life is interesting, bored is not really how I would describe living. I saw the first 7 hours of 2009, because I pulled an all nighter. So there is really no place to categorize me, except for maybe, flexible. When opportunities present themselves sometimes one needs to make radical adjustments to one's regular routine (that is if you have a regular routine). You could say that I have become routinely more flexible in the last 7 years.

To be of service to others calls for us, as Christians, to be flexible and to remain pliable in the hands of the Master. This is not easy. Being stretched, smashed, turned round and round on the Potter's wheel sounds like torture (pronounced torcha). When one is stiff necked with heels dug in, you can bet your money on it, the fighting and squirming just makes everything more painful. Surrender is the key.....give up the reins and say have your way with me LORD. Pain may still be required but whining about it is unnecessary.

Not sure where this post is going and right before I sat down, I thought, "do I go back and read the old stuff not posted and just post one of those or do I stay in the moment and write?" I chose the latter.

Lately, I have been meditating on this small part of Psalm 119

⁵⁷ The LORD is my portion;
I promise to keep your words.
⁵⁸I entreat your favor with all my heart;
be gracious to me according to your promise.
⁵⁹When I think on my ways,
I turn my feet to your testimonies;
⁶⁰I hasten and do not delay
to keep your commandments.
⁶¹Though the cords of the wicked ensnare me,
I do not forget your law.
⁶²At midnight I rise to praise you,
because of your righteous rules.
⁶³ I am a companion of all who fear you,
of those who keep your precepts.
⁶⁴ The earth, O LORD, is full of your steadfast love;

teach me your statutes!

When I think on these words, my mind envisions one word: trust. If the LORD is my portion, then I need to believe that He is enough and that all of my needs will be met.

Then there is the matter of promises. Promises that God has made to His people, not just to me as one person but to all who fear Him as it says toward the end, "I am a companion of all who fear you" My life is not to be led as a solo one woman show. I am a part of a family, a part of the communities, I live and work in, a part of God's family.

[right now I am thinking save it in the drafts. Get ready for bed. And who knows how long the post will sit before it sees the light of day? It's just a blog.]

For what it is worth, let's attempt to conclude: two of the actions that the author of the Psalm is doing, 1. entreating the LORD for His favor and 2. he opens himself up to the Lord to teach him His statutes. Each of these things require an individual to have some degree of flexibility and put their faith and trust in the LORD.

It is both hard and good to change things up. I think it keeps life interesting and my spirit young.

Since I am actually looking forward to going to bed.

Good night and God bless each reader. Thanks for enduring this post.