The following post is from an older blog of mine, which I am thinking about returning and doing some of that type of reflective writing.

Thinking Out Loud

September 1, 2004

Currently, I am traveling with my family and I do have a travel type blog (catriona.blogspot.com) but I wanted to track my internal journey as well. Not only is this thinking out loud but sharing my heart. A dangerous thing to do here in cyberspace or anywhere for that matter, but I believe that to really live we are to live dangerously. I am doing my best to live by faith and not by sight, to think for myself, not believe every sound bite I hear, to pause, reason, discern and act in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ (not the gospel of American Churchianity).

I meet with The Carpenter each morning. My husband and I educate our children at home and now on the road. We worship with fellow pilgrims and settlers who love Jesus and live for Him. We do our best to serve those that God puts in our path.

It is my goal to write from the heart and reason from a thought-filled perspective.

The link is www.bereal.blogdrive.com and I found that I have written some interesting things there.

The Grace of God
So often I hear my fellow believers talk about grace and how they appreciate "this message about grace" or "that pastor is all about grace." Believe me I am grateful for God's grace because my life without it would not amount to much. However, the discussion never really turns to the reason why we are in need of the grace of God.
The easy answer is "we are not perfect" The harsh answer is "we are doomed, sinners, wrong doers." In our sin we will not choose to reach out for salvation through Jesus Christ. DIOT Dead In Our Transgressions. God's grace is the necessary ingredient to bring us into new life and set us on the pilgrim path. I am hearing a renewed cry for repentance from the generation who are coming of age.
I have hope because the young people that I know are not interested in wishy washy Christianity. They are however interested in the Christianity that tipped the whole world on its head 2000 years ago, put the religious leaders of the time on the defensive and the God/Man that conquered sin and death. Jesus is real, loving and just, who is not only the chief cornerstone but also the Master Builder.
I guess this blog is all my readers listening in on me preaching to myself and one of the inspirations came from an interview I watched. Check it out

Life is an adventure
There are two books that really make an incredible illustration of the Christian life. One is Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan and the other is Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard, the latter one I am almost finished. Hear is a quote from a recent reading:
"Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seem to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go."
Shepherd to Much Afraid

This is Worlds End very close to where we will be living.
I will do my best to blog sometime after we arrive in Massachusetts. Pax Vobiscum, CM

Cigarettes to Cellphones


Driving around Charlottesville you see so many people out walking and talking on their cell phones. Just yesterday 3 girls about to cross the street each on their phones. Not too long ago all three may have been smoking cigarettes and talking to each other while waiting to cross he street.

Just observing. CM

Constitution Day (September 17th)
220 year ago in the year of our Lord 1787 the Constitution of the United States of America was signed by the architecture of this living and breathing document.

Clear skies, the air with a hint of autumn in it, on the grounds of Montpelier, the home of James Madison, also known as the Father of the Constitution, and front row seats to commemorate this historic occasion.
The atmosphere was almost dead and there was a lack of patriotism within the very small crowd, yet we all, in some way, came to remember. Our nation though very young is still the country who has lived under the same Constitution longer than any other civilized nation in the world.
A very stoic fife and drum corp ushered in the event with Yankee Doodle Dandy and the festivities were underway with James Madison himself addressing the crowd. He spoke with grace and eloquence. As I sat listening, I thought are people really grasping what he is trying to convey? I hope so, I pray that Katie and Michael were taking it to heart.
This is a living and breathing document.
My friend Leslie from Miami alerted me to Michael Farris' using the internet, in the same way the town crier called us to the gathering place at the Temple on the grounds of Montpelier, that now is the time for a constitutional amendment for parental rights (www.parentalrights.org). I urge all those who wish for their children and grandchildren to be able to raise their families the way they see fit to join this cause. And for all Americans who may be reading this blog that they would pick up a copy of the Constitution and get to know that this parchment is not just a piece of paper on display at the National Archives but the law of the land.
As a family we have exercised our liberty freely by living like pilgrims (we have of course but described otherwise but this is the name that suits us) and hopefully we have inspired others to exercise their freedoms as well.
If you didn't have a chance to stop and reflect on Constitution Day and perhaps read it, then I strongly encourage you to take the time now and do it.
Pax,
CM

There is no shame in adversity

"We cannot learn without pain."
— Aristotle, Greek philosopher (384-322 B.C.)

"Trials, temptations, disappointments -- all these are helps instead of hindrances, if one uses them rightly. They not only test the fiber of character but strengthen it. Every conquering temptation represents a new fund of moral energy. Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before." James Buckham

Getting off the phone with my brother, I realize that there are things that will still share and one of them is growing up with the shame of adversity. Instead of it being a touchstone of growth, adversity is something that we ought to be ashamed of and if we choose to speak about it at all, it is in a low whisper. My brother spoke to me in this low whisper and then quickly went on to other things, no time for me to respond and it hit me as I got off the phone - shame. Mistakes and things not going our way are as bad as purposefully doing something wrong. This attitude blocks an opportunity for a change and personal growth.
Coming to an understanding of adversity becoming an asset has been and continues to be one of the most difficult lessons to learn for me personally. It is a clear illustration of my perfectionist tendencies. It is an opportunity to learn and to bring about greater character in ourselves and our children.
It does not have to be anything big. Like a lot of things we instill principles into our children by the way we deal with the smaller incidences in life. It is those everyday things that prepare us for the bigger difficulties we will face.
The shame of adversity is a terrible lie. Wise men and women of the past demonstrate to us, that they indeed would go through everything they have gone through to get to the place where they are now. Many have gone on to glory where there is no more pain or sorrow and they live in the Presence of God the Father glorious. That thought helps me keep an eternal perspective.
One of the fruit of going through adversity is humility. I do not believe humility is something we can forge in ourselves but one that the Lord uses our circumstances and relationships to shape us and mold us more into the image of His Son.
I am grateful for this ongoing lesson. And a shout out to my brother Pete, hoping he will be open to learning from it too.
Pax, CM

Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction. [Isaiah 48:10]

September the 11th

Indeed, I remember where I was. It was a beautiful day in the Northeast. My family was living in Marlborough, MA at the time. We were waiting with our children for Grandy to come and pick them up for their trip into Boston. Many Americans were glued to their TV sets with their children watching along side them for most of that day. Lingering emotion of our family being distracted that day of destruction, the kids into Boston which in itself became a ghost town with my dad and Dan and I out on a golf course with 2 police men. The vivid images shown again and again for weeks and months following would be plentiful, then the war on terror and now the annual anniversary.
This morning on NPR Michael Chertoff when asked about 9/11 and our current security status said "we are safer today but we are not safe."
My aunt in an email said in her reflections after attending a 9/11 memorial service this morning out of the depths of our sadness is "our" desire for peace.
An army officer who enlisted after 9/11 spoke of his desire for revenge and that is what motivated him to join in the fight.
In a song Jon Forman says, "nothing is OK til the world caves in"
So I say,
"When were we ever safe?
Was it a false sense of security?
Has our world ever known peace?
Who says we deserve it?
Safety is a bad value.
Security is for the control freaks.
Peace on earth is like gravity on the Moon.
I'm an American so I think I deserve all good things
but my role in the Kingdom does away with all entitlements.
We long for peace and we fight for freedom and we die for liberty but I must ask,
For who's Glory?
and will it last?
does freedom come to those who wait?
if our hearts are ready and been made new, will peace find a home there?
Will the wars ever end?
Do you think we could meet in the eye of the storm?
Have you found that place inside that no one and no thing can touch even if your own world is in utter chaos, hijacked or grounded?

All Roads lead to Boston




Well, not all but potentially you could eventually end up there. We are heading back to the greater Boston area if only for a short time. Dan will probably have a little bit of a commute as it looks like we will be living on the south shore.








We are looking forward to seeing friends and relatives. One of our dear friends is a self employed electrician, Steve Gray. I have added his information to my side bar, well because I can, plus Steve is a great guy and an excellent electrician. If you are in eastern Massachusetts and need electrical work done or know someone who does please feel free to contact him. Although, we will not be in the same town as Steve and his family, I can't wait to see them.

The RIDE



I have been dancing around the keyboard, failing to write but at least today, I have had some very good thoughts. Here I am thinking about sharing. To say that my insides have been spinning, would be true and that my outside circumstances are continually in a state of change are just as true. Living life is an exciting adventure we are climbing the big one and there is a nice flat curve right before the big drop.

Night before last there was such an amazing electrical storm. It lasted well over an hour. The power of nature . . .

Our life in the middle of our time
My husband and I educate our children at home, but I don't consider myself a homeschooler. At times, I may have lumped myself in with the classification of homeschoolers as a group but in my heart and mind, I don't consider myself a "teacher." Homeschooler? No. Trainer of life-long learners? That is what we are aiming for.
We believe in Jesus Christ and Him crucified and we are a part of the body of Christ, in the Word daily. Christians? Yes. Church goers? Not always.
Sometimes we live in an apartment, some times in a house, middle-class? Yes. Home owners? No. Yet, we find that we are living a dream. Don't know about you, but we are just passing through, it is ALL temporary housing.
We are both registered as independence, vote our conscience which does not always line up with the conservative bent. Libertarian? Perhaps. Free thinkers? Absolutely.
Saw the Bourne Ultimatum last weekend. Sometimes, I think a lot of people forget who they are and are beaten up by the world at times, cramped into boxes that they don't belong in and are at war searching for their true identity. I say with fire in my belly, don't give up the fight, don't let others define you, keep on searching, there will be others along the way who will help you and of course, there are enemies you can not see, but rise up, do not cower, be willing to get dirty and bloody.
This life is your one chance - make it count!

Winds of Change blowing through our "home"
We really didn't start sending our children off anywhere without us until they were 15. Grace has spent time away from home each summer since then and now she is on tour with Communicators for Christ (checkout the website to see when they will be in your area). It was wonderful to have a weekend in TN, getting to meet most of the other families and sending our young adults off with blessings (that was just over 2 weeks ago). Grace will be gone basically for the rest of 2007. WOW
Katie has spent the better part of a month at Patrick Henry College working on the production team for Advent Film Group (you can check out their website too). This opportunity came up right before we moved. So, we were not really prepared to send her off, but Katie was definitely up for the challenge.
The thing is we have never looked to get rid of our kids during the summertime. It is during those times that are really trying, that we need to have our kids with us, work through and help them get through the growing process. In the short run it is probably easier to just send the trying teenagers and let other people deal with them, or perhaps you send them off to do educational things and that's really "admirable."
Now, the truth is our girls have been ready to test their wings. It is right for them to go out and be willing to place themselves under someone else and learn from someone other than their parents without becoming confused. As a dear friend of ours, David Moon said, we have discipled our kids and they are now ready to be salt and light in the world. And they both will be coming back to the nest for more preparation.
Needless to say, it has been interesting and quieter around here without Grace and Katie and for me to be outnumbered by the men. We are enjoying our time with Michael and all three of us miss them but we have peace about what the girls are doing, we pray for them, talk on the phone here and there and exchange the occasional email. I am sure there is more to it than this but I just wanted you to see the affects of the wind not experience its depth. (besides that is really hard to describe.)

Counting on our Fellow Pilgrims
Grace had said we haven't missed a move yet, so I wrote it on a sticky note and stuck it on the computer monitor. Well, we came pretty close, just kidding. Some interesting things happened during this particular move that had never happened before, in fact there are things that occur on each move that are unique to each particular time. First, the furniture guys came while we were still packing up the van. Basically, that meant we needed to stay out of their way while they got all the furniture out. It is amazing how quickly they do this. Shortly after that and right as we were finishing up the electricity shut off which meant the AC was off and it gets pretty hot when you are in and out and it is late June and you are in Florida.

Dan had to run a quick errand so I found myself sitting on the floor of our empty apartment in Gainesville and realize that the clock above my head is mine. I almost left it behind. Sure, I could replace it but I am glad I came back in, only briefly, I don't remember why. This is our traveling clock, our address changes often and it is nice to have a few things that hang on the wall to remind us we are "home." It was just over a month ago and so much has happened since then.

There is something that I am really bad about and that is writing about the people we encounter along the way. I do write about it in my journal - that is when I remember to write in my journal. I can not tell you how many times I have said, I am going to write about this interaction or that. How this person and that person impacted us. It has been nearly 5 years so if I get going right now, I will probably be able to get everyone who the Lord has put in our path.
If I make time to write at least a few times a week.
This morning I woke up thinking about Teresa Russell from Jacksonville, FL. No we have never lived there but it was the last place we stayed in the Sunshine state. I met Teresa at the CFC conference last August in Tallahassee, FL. While I was working the bookstore, Teresa and her friend Charlotte (now my friend too) picked my brain for about 3 hours about the ins and outs of a speech and debate club.

Teresa had said if you are heading this way to get out of Florida stay with us. When people offer, we usually take them up on it. Over the years we have learned that it is best to just drive a little bit on that first day (90 miles in this case) because when we finally have all our stuff packed and the apartment cleaned up thoroughly we are usually pretty pooped. There was hopes of arriving in Jax late afternoon and doing something fun with the Russells but we were delayed. We did arrive before the sun set which was a blessing.

Let me say that our dear sister Teresa opened her heart and home to us. We had a tremendous time of fellowship during our less than 24 hour visit. The fact that she actually knows (meaning she has lived in the Metro west of Eastern MA) where we are from, endeared her to me from the start. But honestly, Teresa is a sweetheart who was willing to put herself aside in more way than I can say in order to have us stay with her and we were blessed. Do you ever have people just move into your heart and make a comfortable space for themselves and you just can help but embrace them because it was as if there name had already been written there? I have many times, these are the eternal riches of life. I wouldn't want to miss them. I believe that all our days were written in a book before one of them came to pass. Each morning we pick up where we left the bookmark, on occasion we turn back to yesterday and say, thank you Lord and other times I am sorry Lord help me make this right, own the wrong I have done and take care of my side of the street.

So glancing back at the end of the last chapter, I just wanted to say that I am so grateful for my friend Teresa Russell from Jacksonville Florida.
PS I didn't forget about the winds of change.

Sometimes in a person's life there are certain things that God wants us to remember. 22 years ago today, I had an awakening, I wasn't yet born again but I was given a second chance to live life. I was one of those teenagers who was living a careless and reckless existence and not really living at all. So, I just wanted to thank God that he rescued me from the addiction to alcohol and set my feet on a new path that I am still traveling upon today by His grace.
God used people and circumstances to help bring me to the place of utter helplessness, where I needed to swallow my pride and ask God and other people for help. I am so grateful to have been humbled, for a lot of human beings it is the only way to find humility.
The winds of changes are blowing strong and it is again God's grace and people that are helping me to stay the course and I imagine that it will always be that way here on earth.
Pax,
CM
I write more about the winds of change tomorrow.

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Leaving Grace to journey on

Increasing NOT decreasing

One of the most consistent things in life is change. This past weekend we sent our oldest out of the next to test her wings for the next 4 months or so. Strangely enough we have peace about this next chapter of our life. For our family it is not just a change in Grace's life but in our family's life. For the last 17 plus years, we have been walking through life together and the last 4 years traveling and living in places where at first all we had was each other.
In anticipation of Grace going on tour with Communicators for Christ, I prayed regularly to be able to release her with a blessing and at times I thought about missing her and that our family was decreasing.
Then we gathered with almost all of the families who were sending their children off on this wonderful journey that lay before them. On Sunday we had the family commissioning where we had the opportunity to give a charge to our child and the team. Leading up to this moment, I thought our family size decreasing with Grace's absence and instead what we gained were 12 other families, brothers and sisters in Christ who are with us during this season of our pilgrim journey.

As each family shared, I saw a true demonstration of one body and many parts. Of one family, The Moons taking many young people on a journey, yet each one of us in many ways are in for the long haul as well. Laughter, tears, and Cheers (for the Currans) throughout this commissioning, it was an intimate time. Many things I am storing up in my heart and there they will stay. I will however say this, our world has grown larger and as we have gotten to know some of the families better this weekend, we definitely look forward to encouraging one another and growing through this experience together.
Each family revealed its unique personality through their words of encouragement and warning. The common thread in every charge was blessing. Most of the dads showed great emotion, every dad in one way or another said, "son or daughter, you are ready, we have poured ourselves into you and now you are ready to go forth and be poured out for others."
I walked away from the experience drained in one way and filled in another. All these brothers and sisters in Christ were now being assemble and linked together through CFC. Our kids are now a team and so are we. We were not losing our daughter but gaining new friendships and welcoming new brothers and sisters into our lives.
So to each of the parents of the 2007 CFC Interns I say, thank you for investing in your children, raising them in the fear of the Lord, loving them the way Jesus loves us and directing them to the one True God.

To each of the Interns, I say to you with the apostle Paul: (from Romans 12)

"Let love be without hypocrisy Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence,fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation devoted to prayer, contributing to the needs of the saints"

Know that all the parents will be praying for each and every one of you.

Looking forward to what the Lord will be doing throughout the season.

Pax Vobiscum,
CM

Coming Soon . . . .
Reflections on the CFC Commissioning,
Increasing NOT Decreasing

Are you grateful to be an American??
Fourth of July, I reflected upon the privilege of being an American and the fact that so many Americans don't have a clue and need to attend a Naturalization Ceremony at least once in their lifetime. Preferably, right before they are able to vote around 16 or 17 years of age. Walking through life taking for granted the fact that they walk through life freely, many young people (and some older) think that the American way of looking at things without thinking through things is the way everyone on the planet processes what goes on.
I had the honor and privilege of witnessing around 50 people become US citizens on the west lawn of Monticello in Charlottesville VA. After a number of "important" people gave speeches administered the oath, the new citizens were offered the platform and took it.

To hear the words, feel the passion, and realize that these two men, one from Togo and the other from Guatemala could articulate what it means to be free, to have such gratitude for the opportunity to have a better life and to understand what it is to be given a chance is something every native born American needs to not only comprehend but embrace. We would not just be a super power, we would be a country with great hope, courage, strength and recover our national identity.
The world would see that we may not agree with our president but we stand together as one. Sure, we saw a surge of it after 9/11 but it faded. Have we forgotten?

The reaction or lack thereof to the heartfelt speeches of these new fellow citizens made me sad. Ears not hearing and hearts hardened by cynicism, kept them glued to their seats and their hands folded in their laps.

So here are the answers to just 5 of the 100 questions http://usgovinfo.about.com/blinstst.htm

The answers are:

16. Who elects the President of the United States?
The electoral college

23. How many branches are there in our government?

27

33. How many representatives are there in Congress?
435

Name the amendments that guarantee or address voting rights.
the 15th, 19th, and 26th

80. In what year was the Constitution written?
1787

I would love to read about your reflections about being an American. Does it matter to you?

So, you want to be an American?

Here are just five of the questions that you must answer in order to become a US Citizen. Without "Googling" how many can you answer off the top of your head?

• Who elects the President of the United States?
• How many changes, or amendments, are there to the Constitution?
• How many voting members are in the House of Representatives?
• Name the amendments that guarantee or address voting rights.
• In what year was the Constitution written?

Let me know how you did.

Worth It!





Pain is guaranteed when we enjoy the intimacies of true heart to heart friendship.


Pax Vobiscum,
CM