HOPE

I have hope!  Two big changes happened in my life last summer one on the heals of the other. Our oldest daughter Grace married our son-in-law, Austin Humbles and 2 weeks later I drove our youngest child, Michael off to college. It was incredibly overwhelming for me. I had no idea that it would hit me as hard as it did. It was not the identity crisis that a number of women experience when the kids are grown and gone, nor the wring of hands, oh what will I do now? Dan and I so enjoyed raising and being with our children, it was like when you read a really good book and you don't want it to end. Life with our children was not absent of pain or struggle but there was much joy. M. Scott Peck began his book, The Road Less Traveled with, "Life is difficult." and more recently, Dr. Brene Brown said in her Vulnerability TED Talk, "We were born for struggle." And Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."

Grieving is a part of life that most people do not make space for anymore. And this year, I have made space for it. More importantly, Dan and my counselor have helped me to make space for me to grieve. A few dear friends have walked this road with me. Comforting, counseling, and praying for me, these dear ones held me up and held me close. One of these friends: Jamie continually held up the banner of HOPE and she believed for me that the LORD Jesus would see me through this season. Time and again, with the Life Giving WORDS of God's Holy Word, Jamie would remind me of God's Promises. The season is not really over but more and more, I am feeling hopeful and more importantly, I am believing in the HOPE of the Gospel, the GOOD NEWS of JESUS CHRIST.

The countless, phone calls, texts, emails and then a wonderful visit in the beginning of March of this year with Jamie and her dear husband, Craig have been life giving. It was so sweet to have some face to face time. The LORD is GOOD and Jamie is a great ambassador for Christ and counselor in Christ. I think counselors need to be compassionate and also carry the banner of HOPE. In Romans chapter 5, God's Word says:

"we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

"Hope does not disappoint" and fortunately, Jamie reminded me of the truths and promises of God. In 2Corinthians chapter one it says, "As surely as God is faithful, our word to you has not been Yes and No. 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, whom we proclaimed among you, Silvanus and Timothy and I, was not Yes and No, but in him it is always Yes. 20 For all the promises of God find their Yes in him."  (Which I believe that I have quoted earlier this month.) The LORD JESUS is ALIVE and well, working through the body of Christ to help me to remember that my hope is in Him.
There is so, so much more that I could write about HOPE but we will leave it there for now. It is a topic that never grows old.

The Purpose for My Blog

I am so tempted to just move on (which I do plan on doing in January 2012) to a new blog address and continue my writing there. A fresh start. Last night and this morning I was going through my published posts. This blog was started in January 2004, nearly 8 years ago. The purpose was to journal about our journey along the Pilgrim Highway both in the spiritual sense with our sights set on the Celestial City and our travels up and down the east coast while Dan was a travel nurse and we lived in different places with our growing children.

The journey continues. We did take the plunge and become members of Bethlehem Bible Church (BBC) in West Boylston but more amazingly they took a gamble on us by welcoming in a couple of Ragamuffin Christians. I think we will add to the diversity of this local body of believers. ;-) We have been at the same address for 23 months now, with hope of staying in this area. Traveling, living and journeying with our children was the norm for many years. They very much are still on the Pilgrim Highway with us as we are all on the road with Jesus Christ who not only leads us but is The Way to The Father but our times together as a family physically is limited. We now make plans for those times. Michael is still home but has made a number of trips without us recently. He is working toward and looking forward to the next leg of his trip through this world.

My desire for both myself and Dan and our children, is that we will make a difference in the lives we touch both in this world and in the next. A spiritual father of mine, Sam Shoemaker who I only know through his writings, wrote a poem as an apologia for his life called I Stand at the Door. He never forgot about those who hadn't heard the good news of Jesus Christ who is the Door and he sought to point them to the Way. For those who found there way into the House of God and were scared off by those who were deep inside, Sam wanted to be there for those too and let them know that they didn't need to be afraid that it was much better in the House. The road is not always easy, in fact it is hard but we are journeying on with the LORD and one another. The destination is eternal joy, never ending glory and our Heavenly Father will be singing over us!

There is much happening in our world, some we need to stay clear of and much more that we need to be a part of. It has been said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I don't think I agree. Our culture says we should avoid pain and suffering, that there ought to be a no tolerance policy. We (mankind) are entitled to all that is good upon the earth. In a perfect world that would be fine. Where is this thinking coming from? It has permeated much of American Christendom. I will contend that it is a misconception of the fall and particularly, the sin that has plagued men and women for all times. Out of one side of their mouth Americans will say "we deserve" and on the other side they excuse wrongs and say, "I am only human." There is truth in the latter. I am only human, inherently sinful. Our inclination is to be selfish and want our own way. There will be pain AND suffering in this world, we can run and hide from it or face it head on knowing that we are not alone. That there is One who understands, there is One that stands beside us, there is One who is walking through it with us.

The road is different when you watch your children, not just walking and running but flying. Now under the protection and care of their Heavenly Father but still at times coming back to us, walking with us desiring to be in the refuge of our family. There are others along the road too and we enjoy sweet fellowship there as well. There is that special bond between parents and children. A love for them like no other. We have always had our fellow pilgrims along the way but our perception changes when our children are no longer our constant companions. Our footing changes as well. Their young lives still occupy much of my mind and my prayers and at the same time, new avenues are opening up for me as a woman, a daughter of the King of Kings and my delight is in being His child. The changes continue to come fast and furious and just like the pace of the digital sphere that has become a part of our lives, I am doing my best to keep up and press on. Grateful for the road traveled thus far and looking with hope to the road ahead. Hopefully, that will include more writing.

Umbilical Cords tied tight

It is not like me to leave in the middle of a meeting but it was the best I could do. (It was for parents of new HPU students) Yes, I still have a lot to learn. As a mother, I have gone through many stages of letting go of each of my kids, now all young adults, which we have been calling them that since they were 13 or so, perhaps I ought to say I am a parent of adult children. Back to the meeting: there were at least a half dozen questions about food and the meal plan. We have trained our children to communicate for themselves and now the morning after I realize that many parents have not; these questioners felt they needed to ask these questions for their children instead of letting their kids find out for themselves. Yesterday, I didn’t have much patience or compassion, I wanted to ask, “Does anyone have a pair of scissors, so I can cut these umbilical cords?” Biting my tongue was not enough; I needed to just walk away.

As a mother who has educated her children at home, you might think that the launching would be more difficult. Admittedly, this is the most difficult transition in the parenting process for me. There is wisdom in learning from our own emerging adulthood and from those who have already shot their “arrows” out of the quiver. Our children need to learn to navigate through this life. There are two choices: we can send them off with our blessings or we can cling so tightly that they will need to break free. With the latter choice, parents wound their off spring and the relationship often never fully heals. They may never return, if they do return it will not be in a way that brings them back into sweet fellowship with us.

Our children are still dependent on us in a few ways and in many ways they are not. This is a time of finding out who they are. It is the natural course of life. If we want to be there for them, we must lovingly let them go with grace as passionately as we did when we held them so carefully as newborn babies, in awe of the responsibility, filled with joy of this new little life. There is more new life to come with each phase of development. Childhood is the SHORTEST season of life and most kids want to leave it behind and embrace their adulthood. Don’t be the parent who holds them back.

No longer children

A continuation from a July Post (click post)

This past Friday my son Michael turned 18 years old. Some say, now he is an adult but my husband has been readying me for this day for the past 2 years. After he turned 16, Dan started saying, "stop treating him like a boy, he is becoming a man." Michael can probably attest to the fact that it has been a struggle at times for me. Some readers may wave it off and say boys don't become men until way into their 20s these days. I say if you treat your daughters and sons like children into their 20s you will reap what you sow.

Signs of Manhood

The fall before Michael turned 16 Dan broke his foot and was unable to do any nursing for almost 3 months. After his surgery and once he was feeling better, Michael and Dan worked several nights a week at Dan's brother Billy's store. Dan trained Michael mostly from a chair since he could have no weigh baring for 6 weeks on his foot. Consequently, Michael learned quickly and was able to do the work.

Shortly after Michael's 16th birthday, Dan and I ran Billy's store from mid May through mid July. (Billy had his hip replaced) We both know that we could not have done it without Michael's help. He got up four or five mornings a week before 4 AM. We would work until we were done. On occasion we would get out of work by 10 AM, most days by 12noon and other days not til 2 or 3 PM, Fridays were busy and rarely got out before 1PM. Since we were running the business, if something came up we of course stayed or came back to the store to take care of whatever needed taking care of. Michael did a great job and continues to do a great job (he and I work at the store one day a week). The customers and other employees have grown to love him and he does whatever needs to be done with excellence, whether that is waiting on customers, making coffee, putting together the Sunday Paper or putting up the grocery load (I could add a lot more to that list). Many have commented to me that they thought he was older than he is.

Those are school hours! [say those who like to find at least one thing wrong with those of us who do not have their kids in school] Yes, I was picking up from that post in July. Our family subscribes to Mark Twain's philosophy, "we never let school get in the way of education." If you have read any amount of my post that refer to education or you know me personally, you know that I am not a fan of the term "homeschooling" and prefer to say "educated at home." As I was saying at the end of that July post we also have had the benefit of walking through this life and in this world along side of our children. The three of us working at the store together was doing just that. It was a real challenge for us and it is now a treasured memory of watching my son growing into manhood and having to be his boss in the work place helped me tremendously in learning to treat him like a man. Perhaps I was actually succeeding in doing so and that is what some of those witnessing customers saw as well.

The fine citizens of Dedham once in a while would ask Michael about school but for the most part that was it. The way in which Michael conducted himself, worked hard and served well earned him their respect and there was no cause for concern about the way in which he was being educated.

There hasn't been a lot of time to reflect lately which can be a good and a bad thing. I need to take time to reflect and write about the closing of this season and look ahead to what is to come sooner rather than later. It has been a wonderful adventure thus far and I imagine it will continue to do so.

Read at your own risk*

I have just under 50 drafts sitting in my waiting to be posted file here on my blog. Today, I am just going to be risky and shot from the hip. I will post whatever I end up writing now. Consider yourself warned: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

*This blogger is not responsible for the effects this blog post may have on your life in any way, shape or form.

When I was at the age of my two younger children, 17 and 19, it was all I could do to just get through the day. I lacked gratitude, ambition, drive, vision, hope, dreams, love. I worked hard, drank hard, was hard on myself in the most destructive of way. Basically my philosophy was be "Life sucks and then you die." There were no thoughts about the future, because I didn't think I had a future. It is now my belief that I am to glorify God and to enjoy him forever and to be hard on myself in a way that will enable me to be who God meant for me to be.

Here I am nearly a quarter of a century later and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. At the age of 21 the LORD God invaded my heart and changed the course of my life. By God's grace my husband Dan and I have had the great privilege of having children and raising them together. We were given the opportunity to educate and bring them up the way we believe God would have us.

Nearly 3 years ago, I wrote a blog post about being in the Heart break Hill of parenting alluding to where I am in the marathon of parenting via the Boston Marathon and now, I hear the roar of the crowd as I have now entered Kenmore Square and soon the finished line will be within view. My role as a parent is in the midst of a radical changes and it is not easy. As I can ONLY imagine, the runners coming into Kenmore the transition that takes place right then and there, you can either push through the pain and finish strong or succumb to it and drag yourself across the line.

It is really difficult to assess how I am doing but according to my kids I am pushing through and each one of them has been so gracious to me. Even though they do not understand what I am going through, at least they do their best to be understanding. Each one needs me in a different way and in many ways what they need me to do is let them go and let them grow.

"What is next for me?" is a question I am starting to let myself really start to think about seriously. And I am happy to report there is a plethora of things I am thinking about today.