Sunday, November 07, 2010

Read at your own risk*

I have just under 50 drafts sitting in my waiting to be posted file here on my blog. Today, I am just going to be risky and shot from the hip. I will post whatever I end up writing now. Consider yourself warned: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

*This blogger is not responsible for the effects this blog post may have on your life in any way, shape or form.

When I was at the age of my two younger children, 17 and 19, it was all I could do to just get through the day. I lacked gratitude, ambition, drive, vision, hope, dreams, love. I worked hard, drank hard, was hard on myself in the most destructive of way. Basically my philosophy was be "Life sucks and then you die." There were no thoughts about the future, because I didn't think I had a future. It is now my belief that I am to glorify God and to enjoy him forever and to be hard on myself in a way that will enable me to be who God meant for me to be.
Here I am nearly a quarter of a century later and there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. At the age of 21 the LORD God invaded my heart and changed the course of my life. By God's grace my husband Dan and I have had the great privilege of having children and raising them together. We were given the opportunity to educate and bring them up the way we believe God would have us.
Nearly 3 years ago, I wrote a blog post about being in the Heart break Hill of parenting alluding to where I am in the marathon of parenting via the Boston Marathon and now, I hear the roar of the crowd as I have now entered Kenmore Square and soon the finished line will be within view. My role as a parent is in the midst of a radical changes and it is not easy. As I can ONLY imagine, the runners coming into Kenmore the transition that takes place right then and there, you can either push through the pain and finish strong or succumb to it and drag yourself across the line.
It is really difficult to assess how I am doing but according to my kids I am pushing through and each one of them has been so gracious to me. Even though they do not understand what I am going through, at least they do their best to be understanding. Each one needs me in a different way and in many ways what they need me to do is let them go and let them grow.
"What is next for me?" is a question I am starting to let myself really start to think about seriously. And I am happy to report there is a plethora of things I am thinking about today.

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