Still waiting

I'm not a full fledged blogger and I thought that by now, I would just do what I love to do and that is write. I hold back. I get discouraged. I read other people's blogs. At this point I am simply a blog follower. There are 56 drafts sitting in my "edit posts" tab. They are not completed posts, just some ideas "jotted down," some are simply a sentence or two, others a paragraph and I am pretty sure the longest post I have ever written is in there and I just haven't posted it yet.

I just finished watching the last videos of A Year of Question Video project and it got me to thinking, why did I start my blog? It all started while we were moving 3 times a year in 2004 (we began traveling in 2003). It was a great way to journal my way through our adventures. The adventures have not stopped, our journey through life continues and at this point it feels like we are doing it at a neck breaking pace and I am taking it stride by stride, so it is me, I have not allowed myself to reflect with my writing publicly. [There it is - the truth.] What I am going through is deeply personal, painful and exhilarating all at the same time. So when I do write, it is by hand in one of my paper journals with a pen containing black ink.

Michael and I just returned from a road trip. If memory serves me correctly it is the first big road trip that I had just with Michael, now treasured memories for me and hopefully for him too. We put about 2500 miles on my vehicle and I had the pleasure of staying with my daughter Grace in her dorm room. It was great to see our Gracie and be with her. We made an adventure out of it seeing several but not all of the friends that I wanted to see. Life is good and God is faithful.

Still dreaming about becoming a daily blogger and more.

Blog = Web log or Online Journal

I don't write on this blog as often as I would like. In fact, it got me to thinking that my not writing here has possibly affected my not writing in a paper journal. Writing is really therapeutic for me. Journaling is something that I am really missing right now. It is usually VERY personal.

My children's generation could be called the "all access generation." Some think that any information that they want about anyone should be accessible to them. Mystery, secrets and personal information is being invaded by this portal that I write for now, the almighty internet. (small "a" and small "i" because I am one of those people who believes that GOD is The Almighty One) There is stocking on Facebook and googling your neighbor or co-worker. Anything I write or post here in cyberspace is in today's public square.

Perhaps I am afraid that my paper journal might end up in the wrong hands and fed to said portal. Sounds paranoid but not far fetched, not in the 21st century USofA. With all this access, my freedom of expression doesn't seem so free or at least, I am not feeling free to express myself. On the other hand, there is the ability to reach so many more people at one time than ever before, but that is not the point of this blog post.

It is my desire to be honest and transparent as I can on this blog. Not looking to bring harm upon myself or others but there are times when writing that the feeling of vulnerability comes over me and I have to hit the delete button. It is usually something that would fit perfectly into a paper journal because it was beneficial to write. Deleting it robbed me of being able to go back, read and reflect. There it is: time to reflect, time to contemplate, not on the "focus on your naval" kind but the kind that allows one to let go of trashy thinking littered with lies and become open to the truth that flows from above.

Recently, my daughter made me aware of an article entitled, "Is Google making us stupid?" by Nicholas Carr from The Atlantic Monthly July/August 2008. In it Carr says,

"In Google’s world, the world we enter when we go online, there’s little place for the fuzziness of contemplation."

There is no time to digest what you are reading or even writing. At times it seems like we just need to go, go, go, gather, gather, gather info, get to the next link, the next site, the next blog I am following, respond to that email, write a blog post, update my status on Facebook. My time here on this chair has grown and at times robs me of picking up my pen. However, I did pause to write a friend a Christmas card while writing this post.

Pens and paper are still an everyday part of my life, I just want to pick up the pen more often in order to become a better person, a better wife and mother, a better friend and of course, a better writer.